We need to build the wall in Wellington.

Trump wants to build a wall that is impenetrable, beautiful, inexpensive and keeps out the undesirable. I am desperate for a summer and I think Donald’s techniques could help us out here. I want him to build in here in Wellington, New Zealand.

It is not summer. It just isn’t. I am used to barbecues, roadies, nights out on the town and festivals galore. That is what we call back home ‘a countryside Nelson summer’, but I am stuck in the Wellington’s ‘it’s kind of summer, but not really at all’.

For the first 22 years of my life, the typical kiwi summer culture was at my fingertips. This year, I decided to remain here and try a Wellington summer. I imagined trips to Kapiti where I had been teased about these amazing river spots, impromptu harbour jumps five minutes from town and roaming around the nightlife and city vibes that is Wellington, filled to the brim with great people. The weather has been cold, rainy, and we even got an earthquake tossed in there, shutting down a lot of local businesses.

Therefore, I suggest that us Wellingtonians get our summer back. The problem with the weather is you can’t tie down one specific person or group to be responsible. Therefore, if we adopt Donald’s technique and just keep everything out, we are bound to solve the problem.

We must build a wall, a kind of bubble around Wellington to keep the horrible weather out. It can run from coastline to coastline, cutting off Johnsonville and everything higher from the rest of the lower North Island. Only thing is it would be made out of solar panels to harness the sun’s energy because we aren’t stupid enough to believe climate change isn’t real. That would solve all our problems, we could even get the commuters coming in from the coast who take up all the space at the beaches to pay for it! That way the summer is here for us to enjoy and nothing could possibly go wrong.



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